


It Happened at the UniQlo

by Whisper132



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-15
Updated: 2011-10-15
Packaged: 2017-10-24 15:30:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whisper132/pseuds/Whisper132
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Schuldich is sent on a mission to the mall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Happened at the UniQlo

Schuldich was bored. It was a soul-deep boredom born from Crawford's hunch (Schuldich refused to believe it a legitimate vision) that something noteworthy was going to happen. This noteworthy event would, Crawford said, occur on a Saturday at the UniQlo in the Aeon Mall down the road from Crawford's favorite shoe shop. So far the only noteworthy occurrence was a child climbing in the front window and knocking over a turtleneck display while trying to grab onto a scarf that looked like a rainbow was having a seizure across it.

The worst part was sitting and listening to the mundane mall thoughts. For four hours he'd sat and listened to girls grumbling about gaining a pants size, guys grumbling about gaining a pants size, and children scheming to get an ice cream cone out of their parents.

 _I really like the pink…but the black's more useful._

Schuldich cradled his head in his hands. The color nitpickers were going to be the death of him.

 _Maybe I should get one for Omi, too. His is looking ratty._

Peeking through his fingers, Schuldich glimpsed the down parka section of the UniQlo.

Noteworthy, indeed.

*****

Ken was prepared to die in battle, his viscera strewn about some rooftop and his face mangled into an indiscernible glop of skin and blood. It was part of his lifestyle, and he'd long ago come to terms with it.

There was no way in hell he was going to go down in the UniQlo.

"Can I help you with your color selection, sir?" Schuldich held a clipboard and wore the nametag of some guy named Naoki. Ken was betting Naoki was sitting in the back room, brain iced over until Schuldich was done borrowing his life. "The fleece lined parka is one of our best sellers. I recommend the forest green. It's very popular this year."

"What are you doing here?" Ken flexed his fist under the cover of the pink parka he was holding.

"A guy can't have a part time job?" Schuldich paused to greet a customer walking down the aisle before turning back. "The discount is very lucrative. We could use some winter help if you're interested. We get more customers in for the Heat Tech line starting in November. I can get you an application if you like."

Any minute now the guy would start cracking up, Ken was sure. Man, what a shitty day. First the zipper broke on his old parka, and now he was being targeted by –

"Oh, I'm not targeting you. I'm targeting phenomenal savings and everyday fashion." Schuldich pointed to the ad board at the front of the store. "Now, about those parkas…"

*******

The effort required to keep the real Naoki stuck in the staff lounge drinking a long empty cup of coffee was enough to make Schuldich a little drowsy. When combined with the effort it took to keep Naoki's coworkers convinced the red haired foreigner was the store's employee of the week, Schuldich was setting himself up for a deep, stinging headache when the day was through. It was worth it, though, to see his enemy so riled. (Could they still be considered enemies when Schwarz hadn't received orders in well over three months? Schuldich was starting to think they'd been fired and nobody'd worked up the guts to tell them yet.)

"Stay away from the Nordic print pullovers," he told Ken. "They're all over the ads, but they're so last year. Nobody's really buying them."

Ken put back the fleece pullover he'd been about to purchase for Yohji. Schuldich gave the smallest of mental pushes, and the Weiß assassin chose, instead, a fluorescent green and orange zebra print.

"An excellent choice. Now, if you'll excuse me, I—" Schuldich's cell phone rang out a bland pop song. "Yes?"

"Crawford says to use your discount to get some more Heat Tech. We've got some all nighters coming up." Nagi hung up and, moments later, a shopping list arrived in Schuldich's inbox.

"How well does the down parka wash?" Ken asked, holding up a red one. "Do they stain easily?" He paused, looking up at Schuldich, waiting for wisdom and believing with his whole meager self that Schuldich was strapped for cash and working at the UniQlo like the college peons around them.

Schuldich tore off his badge, threw it to the floor, then stomped on it. He paused in his stomping when his phone range out the Imperial March.

"My shirts, Schuldich. Naoe sent the list." Crawford disconnected.

"The down stains like hell," Schuldich told Ken as he picked up Naoki's scuffed badge. "But the Heat Tech's pretty good." Turning his back to his enemy, Schuldich headed toward a mass of housewives pawing through packages of thermal underthings. He grabbed Crawford's required shirts in black, size large. He had to wrestle the last three packages from a woman wearing one of the easily stainable down parkas in lime green. He'd get Nagi's shirts from the women's section, just to make sure someone was as miserable as he was.

"Uh…" Ken tapped Schuldich on the shoulder. "Thanks for the help," he said. "You're an alright guy."

Lilac. Naoe was getting the lilac, possibly with a built in bra. Seven of them.


End file.
